Ways To Deal With Jealousy: Any of these techniques could backfire if employed without due care and prudence

Ayiswa Issa Thursday, 27 October 2016 - 2:35pm Life

So, you've found yourself a great lady. In fact, she's better than great. She's perfect. She's so perfect, in fact, that other men notice. Lots of other men. Pretty soon, you find yourself a fierce shade of green over every move she makes, no matter how benign.

Rema and Baba at the Coke Studio. Such a picture can cause jealousy (Courtesy Photo)

You, who couldn't tolerate a girlfriend who went ballistic every time you glanced at another woman, are doing just that. And if you think your jealousy will keep her loyal, get real; jealousy tears relationships apart, as it will soon do to yours -- if you don't keep it in check.

To help you out, we've compiled 10 sage ways to deal with jealousy. But remember, although you're the one who's overreacting, her actions play a part in your reactions. Any of these techniques could backfire if employed without due care and prudence. You've been warned.

Ask Yourself Why You're Jealous

First, you have to get to the root of your feelings. The way you react to things has been wired into your brain over time, as your collective experiences shaped your character. Did your last girl cheat on you? Is it that  you're a bit of a player yourself, so you assume that she's going behind your back as well? Maybe you're just not used to being with a woman who's always around friends, both male and female? Or maybe she's revealed one too many details about her past, and now just the thought that her exes still live in the same city as her is driving you nuts. Whatever the reason, you can't cure your jealous feelings until you figure out where they're coming from.

Have Her Turn the Tables

There's nothing like a mirror to make you see how silly you look. If you're the controlling type who calls her every hour to inquire about where she is, have her do the same to you. After a few days of incessant and irritating check-up calls, you'll realize that it's annoying and irrational. You'll see that not being in the same room 24/7 really isn't that big a deal

Speak to Her Friends and Family

Sincerely and candidly talk to the people who know her best. In a friendly way, ask them to talk about your girl, and you'll feel reassured about what a good woman you have. Also, try hanging out with her friends to know more about that part of her world (i.e., the world without you). Maybe you'll see that, hey, they're not all two-timing tarts like you once thought.

Face Your Fears

If you think that each second away from you is a man-tasting party, go out with her and see how harmless her nights out really are. You should meet all her friends, especially her guy friends. The cold hard facts will keep your imagination from scuttling away from you.

Inquire If You're Curious

When it comes to dealing with jealousy, you might even want to do the unthinkable and -- shocking, we know -- talk to her about it. Articulate how you've been feeling and how you feel it's affecting the relationship. and she'll do her best to reassure you that there's nothing to worry about. If there's any point in time where you were particularly suspicious, just ask her about it. More likely than not there's an explanation you simply didn't think of because your thoughts were clouded by jealousy.

Turn Your Jealousy Into Flattery

As the old saying goes, if you can't beat 'em, find some way to make yourself look good anyhow. That's how that goes, right? Instead of tripping out and setting off fights every time a man glances at her, take it as a compliment. Keep in mind that she's sleeping in your bed and no one else's. Take this time to review your good qualities in lieu of comparing yourself to other men -- and let her know how passionate she makes you.

Remember What It's Like To Be Single

Remember how hard it was to hit on girls and get rejected all the time? Remember how much it sucked finding out the lady who was on your mind had a man already? Well, keep in mind that if you see a guy being flirtatious toward your girl. They're lonely souls dealing with that rejection, too. Poor bastards. The struggle of others is a fine way to deal with jealousy, if that's what it takes.

Test Her

If you're getting desperate, then perhaps your dread requires some amped-up tactics to be truly assuaged. Are you really willing to stoop this low? Try sending a good-looking friend of yours to hit on her (one she doesn't know, of course). Your imagination -- which often features her sleeping with every man that talks to her -- might just vanish once she rejects him cold.

Hire a Detective

Slipping further down the earnestness and seriousness scale of ways to deal with jealousy, we have professional services at your disposal. Have a private investigator follow her around for a day and log her activities. Once you realize that all she does is work and come home, you'll have no reason to be paranoid. (OK, but seriously, don't do this. This is completely crazy and would give her more reason to worry about you than vice-versa. Instead, consider the next tip...)

Seek Therapy

If all else fails, the final way to deal with jealousy is to seek professional help for your irrational feelings and thoughts. If you can't settle this issue yourself, then don't hesitate to ask for assistance. If you don't deal with it and learn ways to quash your fears and anger, jealousy is a real issue that can bring down not just the relationship you're in now, but any future ones too.

Adapted from askmen magazine

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